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Regrets and Remedies – The Earlobe Lift

Regrets and Remedies – The Earlobe Lift

What is see-through, floppy and smells bad? I am sorry to tell you, but it’s the holes in your ears. The tale of the Earlobe Lift.

The Earlobe Lift

Before Instagram came around, people used checkered shirts, beards, ukuleles and spacers to show people just how interesting their lives were. During my time in university these things, along with Facebook, Soulja Boy and The O.C. became undeniably “poppin”. For those of you not up on the lingo of piercings, spacers are a type of insert that is placed in the piercing hole to enlarge it over time. These spaces can be small, or very large depending on preference and become permanent once a certain size (gauge) is reached and like all great choices you make when you’re younger, you never ever regret these, ever!


Now I am very much of the camp that aesthetics are in the eye of the beholder, so let’s forget the look and focus on the nitty-gritty, I’m talking survival! I can’t help but feel that large loops in your ears make you a tad vulnerable. If it’s not branches latching onto your ear holes, the smell alone will make it hard to hide from predators. We humans seem to forget that we are animals, and when the bombs drop and the smoke settles, we will be back in survival mode! More accurately, the job market is the true test of our survival as young adults. Having managed to adapt to tattoos, I can’t help but feel the job market has not accepted gauged ears in quite the same way. Keep in mind a hiring manager who thinks gauged ears are a bad choice could be career limiting for you. But what can you do?

What Does it Cost?

For those of us who just need their ear holes sewn up, the Earlobe Lift is a way of lifting those stretched and damaged earlobes to their former glory. With options for adding fillers after the procedure to achieve even more of what Mother Nature gave you. No more will you be encumbered by big holes! Your earlobes will look younger and most likely be more aerodynamic! The procedures themselves can cost anywhere from $500 – $1,000 for both ears depending on gauge size.

I still have not decided how I am going to explain the 2000’s to my children. I can just imagine cruising in my hydro/electric self-driving car listening to the oldies station on my brain radio, blasting 50 Cent with my giant ear holes flapping in the wind and saying: “Yes… those were the days!”

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